Really, what am I doing here? I don't exactly want to be a blogger... career wise... so why am I on here? I cannot answer this. I stumbled upon the idea of writing random crap on here because I had to write a SPANISH blog (I got an A on that assignment *checks nails proudly* thought you'd want to know.) Stupid right?
I think I got on here because right now my life is hectic, then again it always has been. But this time is different. This time the hecticness is about going forward and moving on with life instead of running to catch up with everyone else.
My family and I are moving out of state (I shalt leave the state we're moving to anonymous for now... don't want any stalkers this early into the blog.) It's only me, my dad, and my little brother. My mom's sort of a deadbeat to put it honestly. She's staying here. Today we find out if she's going to allow my little brother to go (she still has joint custody of him.... why? I do not know. She doesn't really do anything good for him or me other than an occasional check. The stress of moving has put a wedge between us, which I'm hoping will go away when this is all settled.
I sincerely just don't know right now. I don't know what I'm feeling because it is all so complex and I don't know how to handle what I'm going to do when I get to our new life. I say "get to our new life" because that's what it is. A new life. I get to start over, and God does it feel great. But I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of losing my best friends. I'm afraid of losing my faith because I will be isolated from the people I share that faith with deeply (not that I'm in a cult or anything I'm Christian but it's very specific. If you'd like to know more just comment and ask... or maybe I'll just write a post on it later. YOU NEVER KNOW.) I'm afraid of how I'll be seen in my high school junior year and I'm just afraid of the FUTURE.
I'll clarify... I'm not exactly AFRAID. More like just anxious of the unknown. I worry. I have fear that will only go away when I have the answers of "what will happen." And we all know that those answers only come with time...
The thing is: I'm impatient.
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