Ladybug 🐞❤️

I was playing guitar at the park this morning and a ladybug landed on it. And of course being me I freaked out and took multiple pictures. Maybe it's a sign... Thoughts?

Dem Crazies

You know those friends you have that you can fart around and only feel minorly judged, laugh until your non existent abs hurt, and then have a deep night conversation about how you've never gotten over the fact that your ex cheated on you and broke your heart? I maybe 6 of those (mostly because I'm chatty and people like my insanity... I guess,) two of them I would do anything for.

Imagine having to face the inevitability of losing them. Not emotionally, you can always talk to them over skype or a social network site, but you wont be around them for a long period of time. At my age (the not so sweet hormone filled 16,) it feels like you're a balloon floating through the air towards the stratosphere towards your inevitable doom of popping. I'm not saying I'm an airhead (you can decide for yourself whether I am or not,) but my friends are the string holding me to the ground. I love my family, but unlike my family my friends are the people I choose to love. And I have to leave them soon. Being a touchy person doesn't help either. 

I wouldn't tell them any of this because I've alwaysbeen the strong one (i know thats so hard to believe but JUST BARE WITH ME.) But damn, it's gonna be hard. I know i will make more friends, its just I still want my old friends too. I don't want this to break us apart even if our relationship changes. Wouldn't you feel the same?

What am I doing here? O.o

Really, what am I doing here? I don't exactly want to be a blogger... career wise... so why am I on here? I cannot answer this. I stumbled upon the idea of writing random crap on here because I had to write a SPANISH blog (I got an A on that assignment *checks nails proudly* thought you'd want to know.) Stupid right?
I think I got on here because right now my life is hectic, then again it always has been. But this time is different. This time the hecticness is about going forward and moving on with life instead of running to catch up with everyone else.
My family and I are moving out of state (I shalt leave the state we're moving to anonymous for now... don't want any stalkers this early into the blog.) It's only me, my dad, and my little brother. My mom's sort of a deadbeat to put it honestly. She's staying here. Today we find out if she's going to allow my little brother to go (she still has joint custody of him.... why? I do not know. She doesn't really do anything good for him or me other than an occasional check. The stress of moving has put a wedge between us, which I'm hoping will go away when this is all settled.
I sincerely just don't know right now. I don't know what I'm feeling because it is all so complex and I don't know how to handle what I'm going to do when I get to our new life. I say "get to our new life" because that's what it is. A new life. I get to start over, and God does it feel great. But I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of losing my best friends. I'm afraid of losing my faith because I will be isolated from the people I share that faith with deeply (not that I'm in a cult or anything I'm Christian but it's very specific. If you'd like to know more just comment and ask... or maybe I'll just write a post on it later. YOU NEVER KNOW.) I'm afraid of how I'll be seen in my high school junior year and I'm just afraid of the FUTURE.
I'll clarify... I'm not exactly AFRAID. More like just anxious of the unknown. I worry. I have fear that will only go away when I have the answers of "what will happen." And we all know that those answers only come with time...
The thing is: I'm impatient.